The following scientifically researched questions have been designed to help you determine if you are—or could be to any degree—a moron.

1. The bus driver sez: "The bus is FULL . . . MORON . . . " and you:
   

   A) Think he's saying it's OK for more people to get on the bus
   B) Think he's calling someone else a moron, and you try to get on the bus
   C) Try repeatedly to get on the bus, and the driver repeatedly says the same thing, and you just don't get it
   D) Realize that the bus driver is addressing a moron and that the bus is actually full

2. When you work with morons, the best thing to do is:
   

   A) Act like a moron like them
   B) Try to explain to them that they are a moron and to act more like you
   C) Simply act superior at ALL TIMES
   D) Get another job

3. If another moron says to you: "Hey, quit actin' like a moron", do you:
   

   A) Stop acting like a moron
   B) Say to him/her "Who are you calling a moron?"
   C) Think to yourself: "Could I BE a moron?"
   D) Simply shrug it off

4. If you happen to be hanging out with someone you suspect IS a moron, and he/she calls someone ELSE a moron, do you:
   

   A) Chime in with a "Yeah, really..."
   B) Use this despicable cliche because it ruefully applies: "Look who's calling the kettle black"
   C) Make a point to discontinue your association with this particular individual because you suspect a moron

5. You are absolutely certain that someone is a moron, but it is imperative you interact with him/her regardless of this fact. Do you:
   

   A) Stoop to his/her level so as not to alert him/her that you are 100% aware that they are a moron
   B) Compliment him/her unnecessarily so as not to embarrass the both of you
   C) Find that moronic qualities are beginning to rub off on you but you can't seem to do anything about it
   D) Say to yourself over and over again "I am NOT a moron, I am NOT a moron..."

6. You look around and all you see are morons. Do you think to yourself:
   

   A) Is everyone REALLY a moron?
   B) The entire society is going down the tubes because EVERYONE is a moron
   C) Perhaps morons are the rule NOT the exception
   D) See ya', wouldn't want to be ya'

7. You have the desire to make love to someone whom you suspect is a moron. Do you:
   

   A) Rationalize that a good "roll in the hay" is OK with a moron
   B) NOT wear protection because you think "Who would ball a moron?"
   C) Pass up the chance because you actually like this person and don't want a relationship with a moron
   D) Go for it thinking that two wrongs DO make a right

8. You see a moron with his/her children and it appears that the kids are becoming morons too. Do you:
   

   A) Explain to the little tike(s) that they ought not become a moron like their parents for obvious reasons
   B) Say to yourself "Better off his/her kids than mine!"
   C) See a business opportunity here and begin a multi-level marketing company on how to avoid becoming a moron

9. You happen to see yourself on videotape and come to the horrific realization that you yourself have been acting like a moron, and could actually BE a moron. Do you:
   

   A) Throw yourself off a tall building
   B) Join a cult in hopes that they can fill your little head with anything but moronic personality traits
   C) Say to yourself: "What the heck. I'm a moron."
   D) Erase the tape immediately and get help