- Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one "swipes your grub."
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Sniffle incessantly.
- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
- Name your dog "dog""
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
- Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
- Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
- Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
- Wear a special hip holster for you remote control.
- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
- Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cossel voice.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on you TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you like it that way.
- Drum on every-available surface.
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
- Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
- Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
- Set alarms for random times.
- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
- Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
- Wear your pants backwards.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
- Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- only type in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
20 Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate
- Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,
"may I borrow a highlighter?"
- Say, "uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
- Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise.
- Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
- Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
- Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
- Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
- Say, "Now how did that get in there."
- Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
- Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
- Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'"
- Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
- Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now."
- Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
- Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggott."
- Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
- Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
- Before you un-roll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
- Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so
you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
- Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."
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