58 Ways To Be Annoying
  1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
  2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
  3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
  4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of Beeeep Bip Beeeep Bip...."
  5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
  6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
  7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
  8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  1. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one "swipes your grub."
  2. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
  3. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
  4. Sniffle incessantly.
  5. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
  6. Name your dog "dog""
  7. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
  8. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
  9. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
  10. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
  11. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
  12. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
  13. Practice making fax and modem noises.
  14. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
  15. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
  16. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  17. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
  18. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
  19. Wear a special hip holster for you remote control.
  20. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
  21. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
  22. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  23. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cossel voice.
  24. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
  25. Adjust the tint on you TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you like it that way.
  26. Drum on every-available surface.
  27. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  28. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
  29. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
  30. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
  31. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
  32. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
  33. Set alarms for random times.
  34. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  35. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
  36. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
  37. Honk and wave to strangers.
  38. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
  39. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
  40. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
  41. Wear your pants backwards.
  42. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
  43. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
  45. only type in lowercase.
  46. dont use any punctuation either
  47. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  48. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  49. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
  50. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.


20 Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate
  1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "may I borrow a highlighter?"
  2. Say, "uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
  3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
  4. Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
  5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit! My glass eye!"
  6. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
  7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
  8. Say, "Now how did that get in there."
  9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
  10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
  11. Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'"
  12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
  13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now."
  14. Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
  15. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggott."
  16. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
  17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
  18. Before you un-roll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
  19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
  20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."

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